I saw a man holding a little hand,
of his little child.
And I envied.

I saw a man hugging with love,
caressing his child.
And I envied.

I saw a family from afar,
laughing as if there's no tomorrow.
And I cried.

God created a man,
to whom I call him Father
But He never made that man loving me.

I can't even recall,
the last time I saw his face,
his voice,
his smell,
not even his love.

Since I couldn't remember a thing,
I don't even know how to hate him.

20 years..
I had this bitterness within me.
The bitterness of having a man who never loves me.
I had this deepest pain and fear within me.
The pain and fear of a man leaving me behind and never look back.
Not even a glance.

Then I heard,
that you were no longer exist in this world.
You left.
Leaving me forever.

I thought I'd feel numb.
I thought I'd be relieved.
To me he's gone for a long time.
What's the difference anyway?

But I'm wrong.

Tears overflowing,
that unstoppable tears with pain.
It hurts to know you died.
It's painful; knowing you died in vain.

I ever had a wish.
I wish I never had a father.
Because I live my life just fine without his figure.
I hate knowing that he lives just fine without even think about me.

But I'm wrong.

Turns out,
I never hate you.

There's connection between us,
that related-to-blood relationship.
Kinda bond that never breaks
no matter what happens.

Rest In Peace, Papa.
Forgiveness is the last gift I could ever give to you.

You were never here, but losing you tore my heart into pieces.